Happy Birthday; I Miss You

Well, I managed to forget about this thing for two months. Might as well pick a highly emotional day to start posting again, right?

Today is my son's fourth birthday.

I actually had to stop and think about that for a second. Yes, he was born in 2008, so that makes him four. I haven't seen him since the week before Christmas, 2010. I haven't heard from or about him since his third birthday.

That was the day my sister told me not to contact the family again. Meaning, my father had decided I was no longer his daughter, and she was (as always) siding with him. The rest of the extended family all accepted his word over mine; actually, no one asked for my side at all. And my ex, who, as far as I know, still has not collected his son after his deployment.

Someone please tell me why I can't have my son when I want to care for him (as I'd done mostly alone for the first two years of his life) but the self-centered man-boy who demanded full custody in the divorce has elected to leave his little bipedal pet with my sister, 8 hours away from him. And everyone is just dandy with that.

I can't call. I made the mistake of "stopping by" my father's house when I was in the state for my friend's wedding. I couldn't win on that count, either: I would either beat myself up for going, or beat myself up for not even trying. Lose/lose. It was a really bad move. My mother's friend ended up stuck in the middle of it, trying to sort things out.

Anyway. My first child turns 4 today. I don't even know what he looks like now. I wonder if he'll ever meet his sister.

Accurate

Maybe I could try that.

Life

This is how I feel about good things happening. This is why I'm having such a hard time making this blog work in its original concept. I'm supposed to post one good thing every day, one positive thing. I'm just so averse to all positivity because I feel like every time something good happens, something twice as bad happens to even it out.

Don't take cookies from Life.

Exactly.

It's All I Know

Ten Things Moms Need to Remember

From Finding Joy